A poem for myself

I feel sorry about myself for being sorry for everyone because I am me.

I feel sorry about myself for bringing me down just to lift up those people who never appreciated me.

I feel sorry about myself for not seeing my worth and telling to everyone that I’m never worth it.

I feel sorry for myself for crying for someone who doesn’t even deserve just a single drop of my tears.

I feel sorry for myself for being pathetic to someone who never deserve me.

I feel sorry for myself for not giving the love that I deserve to have.

I feel sorry for myself for always chasing other people while loosing my own self.

I feel sorry for myself for being broken just to let them feel complete.

I’m sorry self, I’ll treat you better this time.

Don’t worry I’ll try to love you more this time, and no one will gonna break you ever again.

To my (poging) friend Niño I just wanna say hi 😂 🙄

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Love team

They want us, but it cannot be.

WE ARE THE ACTORS in this story, I know all of you are aware about love team like if you’re watching tv series or a movie there’s always a love team that exist in the story. But you can notice that all love teams are always have their happy ending, but do you believe it can happen in reality?

FOR ME IT’S NOT GONNA HAPPEN.

People will like your tandem as a love team but it does not mean that you’ll gonna like each other too, it is possible that you’re gonna fall inlove with him but there’s no assurance that he will catch you or love you back like the way you did in short THERE’S NO MUTUAL FEELINGS.

SO LET ME SHARE TO YOU OUR STORY

I FELL INLOVE with the person who doesn’t liked me. We’re friends and also classmates it all starts when our classmates started to tease us like if we’re talking about school works when they see us they screamed so loudly and saying the word “yiiieeeee”, because they think that we’re perfect for each other. I don’t mind what they say because that time I’m afraid to have feelings for someone who does not like me or we don’t have mutual feelings. As the time goes by I noticed that there is something that wasn’t there before and that’s it I already have feelings for him but he don’t know about it. I want to tell him about what I feel but I’m afraid of what will be the aftermath if I tell him the truth, so I decided to keep it as a secret. My classmates always asked me if we have a chance to be in a more than friends scenario then I always answered them with a NO and they will do the same with him, it seems that they really want us but sorry to say my dear classmates I want it too but it cannot be. Lets accept the fact that we’re just friends and all I wanna do is to move on, live happily and to pursue my passion 😊

I don’t trust you anymore

I don’t trust easily. So when I tell you that I trust you, please don’t make me regret it.

FRIENDSHIP, I’m thankful to have you as my friend, not just my friend but I treat you as my sibling. We’re both happy in our friendship like we always hangout after class, to have food trips in different places, we have the same personalities, and lastly we understand each other. I thought that this friendship will lasted forever but what happened? You don’t talk to me like the way you did before, it feels like I’m just a nobody that you can see me but you don’t feel my existence. Maybe you already know that I know your dark secret and that is you told us a whole story full of lies, to be honest all I can feel now is full of anger to think that you can do that to us, your friends I thought friends don’t lie but what happened to you? What comes to your mind to do that? Did you think what can be the possible outcome of this shit you’ve done? You involved other innocent people in your story that really doesn’t exist, did you think what would they feel if they would know this? We don’t know how to approach you to settle things right because you will change the situation that instead you’re wrong you will make it we’re wrong. You ruined my trust in you.

An open letter to the girls who loved the wrong one

Girls, you don’t need to search for the love it is the love that can search you in any time and any place. Being in love is normal, basically at our age that when we’re in love all things are colorful in our eyes, that every moment is happy and memorable, that we cannot feel any bad vibes in our body it’s just full of good vibes. But how about if we fall in love in the wrong person? Well for me based on personal experience I always fell in love in the wrong person like I love him but he doesn’t love me back or that guy I love is already in love to another girl that makes me feel sad. Well the best thing you can do is just to move on and be a strong independent woman, you need to improve yourself like the best version of you, just focus to the things that makes you happy, surround yourself to your friends and family that really loves you, don’t be jealous to his girl you know what if you feel jealous to that girl you just showed them that you’re insecure and not contented to your life and lastly be happy for them if you truly love him let him go, let him do the things he wanted whether if your involved or not.

PS: sorry for some wrong grammar but the important is you get my point right?? 😂

The Melancholy of Maybe

Maybe you couldn’t stop the downpour for me… maybe the umbrella was never big enough for the two of us, so you let go of the umbrella and together we walked in the rain.

Maybe you couldn’t always make me smile whenever I was sad, and maybe sometimes you didn’t really understand me, but you stayed by my side and provided me the warmth and silence that spoke loudly enough to be the only comfort I needed.

Maybe you never really knew how I liked my coffee…maybe you couldn’t relate to my love for books, but you quenched my thirst and let me get drunk on your love, you let me read all the things you hid in between the folds of your heart that cannot be expressed by simple words which had never been seen by anyone.

Maybe you couldn’t take me to all the places we wanted to go…maybe you couldn’t grant my every wish, but you left yourself open to me…you let yourself be a place I’m always welcome to no matter how much damage I bring you. You were my home and that was more than I could wish for.

Maybe you couldn’t dance and sang off key…maybe you weren’t good at drawing nor love painting. But you perfectly knew the steps of my heart. You heard and memorized every rise and fall of my melody no matter how broken it sounded and you held the paintbrush to vividly add color to my blacks, whites and dull grays.

Maybe you weren’t always gentle. But your roughness was a storm and you always let me sit in its eye, never letting me feel its wrath.

Maybe you were flawed and imperfect… maybe you weren’t what I thought I needed.

Because the truth is, there is no maybe in how blind I was. There is no maybe in how much I love you. There is no maybe in the ocean-deep and endless regret that I feel.

And maybe I can’t have you back anymore at all.

You, my metaphorical umbrella, my warmth, my miles of silence and comfort, my favorite coffee and favorite book, my home and my every dream, the keeper of the steps and song of my heart, the color to my world, the storm that always kept me safe in despite of its wrath, my every single ‘maybe’ that I love…

and the holder of every single piece of ‘me’.

Maybe if I had the chance to undo everything you did… I wouldn’t…

I would not want them any other way…

And maybe, just maybe… I’d want to do it all again, just the way you did it but only this time, I wouldn’t end up with all these ‘Maybe’s’ and i wouldn’t know the feeling of losing you.

Scared Little Girl…

"How often have you seen me crying?" I asked him with a blank face.
"Just once, may be. I don't really remember. what's your point? All I am saying is that.. if you want to talk to someone, I am here. Tell me what you are feeling. That would give you a little peace." He said sympathetically. 
"I don't want to. I think pain is inevitable. Someway or other, it needs to be felt. Pain is good. I am not being sadistic, but finding myself caught in the mid of all this, is rather giving me courage to go through this mess." I sighed. "I start feeling the things I never did before, realizing what is really important for me. Its like waking up to new dawn of a tough lesson." I looked out of the window. "I know you care for me, but all you can do right now is let me find my way all by myself. You have done enough and now its my call" 
"You know I care for you, at least let me be here so that I can protect you and take care of you. You don't know how difficult things get. All this time I was with you, how will you face this alone?" He was really worried.
"Oh.." I smiled through my tears… "You know you have always been my anchor and there was not a single time that I felt like I am alone. But you see, that has made me a coward…" 
"Coward???? What do you mean?" He was shocked and looked into my eyes saying "You are very brave"
"Yes… Yes I am. But only when I have you… Every time I have some problem, you seem to be the magic solution. But when I look at me.. and just me in front of the situation like that… I do not see much courage." I brushed away my tears.."I think this pain will make me strong, overcoming it will help me grow. It is very difficult to face life alone, but believe me, its equally satisfying when you succeed."
"I think you are right. the pain you are in right now is yours to feel. I can't really give you solace. I have been here with you because I was worried for you, that you might stumble. And it breaks my heart to leave you like this. but now you are ready… and not all that is right is good and comforting. I decide to let you fly, to the sky of your dreams, paint you colours…" 

He looked at me, with tears in his eyes and an encouraging smile on his lips. "I wish you days that will help you grow and experience that will make you humble. I think my work here is done…. and I don't see that little scared girl now. If she is still there, let her know that it is all part of the fairy tale she is experiencing. She will find the crown she deserves, not in the literal way but in the actual soul-like fashion."

A Secret To Tell

I've been thinking lately,

Of my feelings for you.

Wanting to tell you badly,

And finally let you knew.

A secret I've been keeping,

A smile I've been stealing,

A look I've been pondering,

A love I've been nurturing.

Oh but why can't you see,

All the things I tried to be.

To heal and change your mind,

For you to finally be mine.

I spend with you my time,

And tried our rhythm to rhyme.

I've also been down my knees,

Uttering prayers and pleas.

But indeed you're a hardcore,

Cause by pain you had before.

Spells and magic are no use,

Cause your heart keeps to refuse.

I wonder are you worth it,

A mistake I shall repeat.

Cause you make me happy then,

But gave me a bitter end.

Perhaps they are right,

You're not the one for me.

So after this lonely night,

I'll go and set myself free